The DECISIONS FOR WHEN I AM OLD were written in 1699, when Swift was thirty-two years old, which is to say young or even very young. Reading it, one admires the early wisdom of the young man and might even feel envious, being old himself, that he did not have the foresight to think like the young Swift. In any case, Swift does not seem like a person who was unaware that we often make decisions that we do not keep.

The SCIENTIST ROBERT BOYLE gathered his thoughts in a book published in 1664 titled Occasional Thoughts on Many Subjects. Starting from the very large to reach the very small, Boyle does not leave any matter to chance and tranquility and seems to care less about discovering the truth than about capturing it, so as to definitively encapsulate it in his words, excluding its escape. This insistence, which resembles mania, seems to amuse but also perhaps irritate Swift, who wrote the parody that the reader will encounter titled REFLECTION ON A BROOMSTICK.

From DECISIONS FOR WHEN I AM OLD:

1. Not to marry a young woman.

2. Not to associate with young people unless they genuinely wish it.

3. Not to boast about my past beauty, strength, charm with women, etc.

4. Not to neglect propriety or cleanliness, lest I fall into filth.

5. Not to be excessively strict with the young, but to show understanding for youthful follies and weaknesses.

6. Not to give advice freely, nor to be intrusive, unless some wish to listen to me.

7. Not to talk too much, nor about myself.

8. Not to constantly try to adhere to all these rules, for I fear that in doing so I will ultimately keep none at all.

From REFLECTION ON A BROOMSTICK:

“But the broomstick, you may say, is the emblem of a tree that stands on its head. But what is man, truly, but an upside-down creature, with his animal qualities permanently burdening his reason, with his head where his feet should be, crawling on the ground! And yet, with all his faults, he takes it upon himself to become the world’s reformer and corrector of abuses, restoring injustices, intruding into every dirty corner of nature and bringing to light hidden rot, and raising a great cloud of dust where none existed before, while indeed contributing all the time to the pollution he pretends to cleanse.”