A revealing look into the reasons we keep secrets, the ways we can understand and manage them effectively, and when (and how) we should bring them to light.

Psychologist Michael Slepian has found that at any given moment, we hold, on average, up to thirteen secrets. His research, which involved at least 50,000 individuals from around the world, shows that the secrets we don't disclose usually concern lies, ambitions, addictions, mental health issues, hidden relationships, and financial difficulties.

Keeping secrets can weigh heavily on us. But, according to Slepian, the burden of our secrets rarely comes from our efforts to keep them hidden; rather, it stems from the fact that we carry them alone. Whether our motivation is to protect our reputation, a relationship, the feelings of a loved one, or related to some personal or professional goal, hiding aspects of our inner world often leads to loneliness and isolation. But not necessarily.

Rich in contemporary insights on one of the most universal—yet least understood—facets of human behavior, the book sheds new light on fascinating questions such as: At what age do children develop the cognitive ability to keep secrets? Do all secrets entail the same mental load? How can we reconcile our secrets with the human desire for social interaction, connection, and recognition from others? When should we confess a secret, and to whom? And could keeping certain types of secrets be beneficial for our well-being?

Based on original research spanning more than a decade, the book reveals the astonishing ways in which secrets permeate our lives and offers scientifically substantiated strategies that make it easier to coexist with them. Thus, it opens a valuable window into the inner workings of the mind, interpersonal relationships, and our sense of who we are.

What They Said About the Book

• “If you wonder why we have secrets and what motivates us to reveal them, look no further. Slepian has spent the last decade studying the psychology of secrets, and in this beautiful book, he provides ready answers.” — Adam Grant, Professor of Organizational Psychology, University of Pennsylvania

• “Slepian pulls back the curtain and reveals the universal nature of our secrets. […] The book offers deep insights that help us make better choices. […]” — Sheena Iyengar, Professor of Business, Columbia University

• “In this enlightening and captivating book, Michael Slepian, one of the most prominent rising stars in the field of psychology, combines cutting-edge science with compelling stories to explain a topic both familiar and mysterious: the keeping of secrets. Fun, informative, and scientifically accurate, the book represents nonfiction writing at its best.” — Ethan Kross, Professor of Psychology and Management, University of Michigan

• “The book skillfully combines interesting stories with compelling science. Behind the secrets you hide lies a hidden self.” — Sonja Lyubomirsky, Professor of Psychology, University of California, Riverside

• “We all have secrets; we keep them, we betray them, we wonder about them. […]. And this delightful and marvelous book reveals the uncharted psychology of our secrets.” — Daniel Gilbert, Professor of Psychology, Harvard University

• “We all have secrets, but, as it seems, our intuition about how to manage them is often wrong. The secret life of secrets sheds light on why we hide our secrets and the power of confession, sharing, and releasing ourselves from them.” — Jonah Berger, Professor at the Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania

• “There could not be a better time for a book on the psychology of secrets to be ‘revealed.’ […] Slepian illuminates how we safeguard our inner world, making a compelling case for breaking our silence—at least a little.” — The Wall Street Journal