I love you… I will find you again in the next life

“Lost. I wander around the house, tormenting myself, refusing to face the truth, and thinking about anything else but what is coming. About what I must do. Must I do it? Should I admit myself to the hospital? Why? What would change in the end? Will they pierce me everywhere and pour chemicals into my veins that will do what? Will they delay the scythe that will cut the thread of my life? And? A few days forward, a few days back, what difference can they make? I saw my mother end this way. Nothing changed except for her daily life, which became a torture without escape. Pains, dizziness, weakness, and the toilet bowl permanently in front of her.

No… I could not go through something like that again. If I fade away, I prefer to do it my way and not like a worm crawling on the ground. Everyone I loved has become a ghost, but as long as I breathe, I will fight to keep their memory alive.

I come from a world where death was always at my bedside at night, but I always aimed to escape, to get back home. Here in the shelter of Bruges; but somewhere along the way, I must have lost my soul, and only my husk remained behind to count the days… Glioblastoma? Fine, let it be that way…"

How many lives are enough to love the same person? To lose them from your hands? To find them again and love them with borrowed time?