Conversation is the communicative air we breathe. All day long we talk with relatives, friends, strangers, colleagues, and even with pets. We communicate through text messages, emails, online posts, and social media. We speak through keyboards and voice-to-text systems, sometimes with handwritten letters, also with grunts, smiles, grimaces, and sighs.

But not all conversations are the same. When a conversation has substance, we feel wonderful, as if something important is being revealed. "Ultimately, the bond of every relationship, whether marriage or friendship, is conversation," wrote Oscar Wilde. However, when a meaningful conversation does not go well, we feel awful. There is disappointment, as if we missed an opportunity. We may then feel confused, upset, not even sure if someone understood anything of what was said.

What determines this difference? As the next chapter explains, our brain has evolved to crave connection with others. However, in order to systematically align with our interlocutors, we must understand how communication works and, most importantly, realize that we need to be in the same kind of conversation at the same time if we want connection with others to exist.