“Children don’t want a psychologist. Parents do!” At first, they listen bewildered and look at me with eyes like they’re lost, as if they can’t believe what they just heard. Then, they turn their head and gaze slightly, silently: Some switches inside their mind change position. They heard something, it’s obvious. Then, they look me in the eyes again for a moment. And then, with a complete smile, they say something like “thank you” and straighten their posture or step back a little, their gaze always fixed on my face. They recognize something critical of their own that had escaped them – a facet of the world that seemed lost in the fog is revealed to them. They are able to see, to feel, and to take on the redemptive responsibility that corresponds to them, with respect and joy. I have experienced this scene dozens of times over the past years. Some of those times in my office, where so many people come to share their pain and their questions. Most of the time, however, in seminars or lectures on topics either about adolescence or children in general, or even something seemingly unrelated at first glance, like the art of living, depression, anxiety… These are again people who, through what they have heard about the topic, feel that there is an answer to their question. That someone knows the answer to the question that troubles them. And they want to learn it too.
So they come and ask me, with words and in an almost stereotypical way, the same thing: “Should I bring my child for you to see? We have problems…” I always listen carefully, patiently and respectfully, as they tell me, each in their own way, what the problems are, their embarrassment, the fact that they have tried this or that. I respond by saying a few things related to what they have shared with me. And then, nine times out of ten, this conversation: Children don’t want a psychologist. Parents do!