That's why I don't play with my words, my dear. What you hear is my life. Bloody Hawk
AND IF YOU GET SCARED, IT'S THE FIRST TIME YOU GET USED TO IT A LITTLE LATER DUTH The notification on her phone woke her up. Valia turned on the bedside lamp; the morning presbyopia would gradually subside, but now she saw everything blurry. She half-closed her eyes and looked at the screen. Even if you want to forget, the phone is there, reminding you of everything. A selfie they had taken on vacation, back when Kostis was still in elementary school. Her head leaned tenderly against his, the sea sparkled behind them, the sun hit her eyes. Kostis was turned in profile, looking at her with adoration. He puckered his lips and squeezed her cheeks. July 2014, vacation in Toroni. Ten whole years ago, she didn’t even remember how they passed. Carefree times; she was happy but didn’t know it. Back then she thought she had problems. Stress with work, money troubles, fears for the child. Small worries, like mosquito bites. It was the time when she looked at herself in the mirror and still liked what she saw. The wrinkles weren’t deep and the body was obedient.
The small betrayals of her new self hadn’t started yet, the joint pains, the slight swelling under the eyes, the feeling that life was ending and she had to catch up, she wasn’t sure with what. For a while now, she had started noticing the elderly on the street, those whom Kostis called old men. Their helplessness tore her heart apart, especially when she saw them dragging shopping bags and afraid to cross the traffic light. In moments like these, she always remembered the terror in Kostis’s eyes. He had returned from kindergarten, looked at her with wide-open eyes, and informed her of the most important thing in the world. – Grandpa will die. Old people die, did you know that? And when Valia didn’t answer, he insisted. – Will you die too? Answers are banana peels, especially when you have someone like Kostis in front of you. But psychologists said we should answer children. Every answer brought a new question, and it never ended.
